Facing Fear: Winter Waits

11.11.17 Yellow Electric Human

Collaging alongside of working on Winter Waits leaflet, theme emerged on an older base painting in navy and teal:: the scary stuff in the dark, facing it, learning what it is, its nature . . . having a conversation with this piece and finding . . .

the planet is being ravaged and gutted, polluted and pillaged; the places where children play has been destroyed for who and what? so Barbie doll plastic people can step out and enter their electric boxes, powered from the resources of the earth, stolen, strip mined, wired, mired, manufactured out of factories in an industrial world where the earth body, human body are resources for industry to exploit, use, abuse. space travel, communication, generators for Barbie doll people to substance abuse themselves and the planet to death . . . yoga boy and health practitioners offer their therapies and services at the fancy electric buildings, for Barbie doll people to self-help themselves and unwind, while the world is begging to be restoried away from this trajectory, the trains zoom by wind power plants on a circuit toward running over the planet, out into the universe . . .is this the world my children will pack their bags and step out into? this is the fear i face, how does one remedy it when even the yogic health practitioner is an abuser of substances to face away from the dark all around him in, avoiding it by means of medication enabling himself to carry on carry on carry on into abject futility when suffering is stark, sharp, and painful . . . the crumbling remains of a statue formed by ancient peoples from ancient times begs from those flexible limbs, cupped hand reaching for hope, trust, how to remedy this, how to be with this fear without being consumed by it until one wants to become another numbed zombie doll become??

The thing is: there is no ‘remedy’, nor any ‘antidote’ . . .it’s almost like a bi-polar presentation of a whole world with a cast of characters where everyone would have to time-freeze, cease, stop, and desist from all their activities . . . like a massive anti-depressant withdrawl, pull back, and then see what happens. The thing is, its common for people to saturate on mood altering chemicals, precisely because they don’t want to sense, feel, and experience all the shit that is visible, obvious, and perceivable, and makes them really miserable to be with . . . enter the numbing, desensitizing, go on like nothings happening drug!! The thing is it is these very people who do feel it as deep as they do, if they allowed themselves to FEEL it for what it is and did their kick and scream response, naturally, they may innovate an apt solution since it is a ‘problem’ for them!! The irony is they want to escape . . . . this is facing fear, fear that any one of us could become any one of them; facing it and going to the ‘planets’, the gods, even Mars, they all just shrug and say it’s too big for us, we’ve got to create a Durga, you up for that baby cake?! If not, then do the best you can to Be how you’d like it to be and infuse that into the world by way of being it, sure it’s small doses but spread it out, pack your baby cakes full so when they venture out they’ll have blessed bags full of decoction and double decoction to steep the world in . . .

11.16.17 Red Galactic Earth

After contemplation I had a few options:

to medic, hide, and coverup the entire picture with oppositions that I want to see grow out into the world instead

to leave it as it is and make an oppositional collage::two seperate worlds, unable to coexist overlappingly layered but within a whole as different entities, neither supporting the other, an either or world

to weave in a few elements that coexist right now, within this messy tangle, what is and gives joy and beauty currently, not trying to fix anything but to fill the gaps so to speak in the story of what there also is simultaneously and go with that

I chose the last option, it felt right, so monarch butterflies, waterfalls, and a lovely tree were glued down and now I’ll see where this goes . . . .

11.18.17 Blue Planetary Storm

Began painting out portions . . . water flowing, earthly branches reaching, water and earth combining, reclamation?

11.20.17 Red Crystal Dragon

Continuation . . .

11.21.17 White Cosmic Wind

Completion of the contemplation, and the addition of a few more elements.

This comes through what is feared::what can I change?  Overcome?  Face?  Accept?  With what attitude and approach?

The people? I cannot change them, they and only they are sovereign in transforming themselves from within their own inner knowing and experiences.  I can walk with them, transform and understand my own discomforts, triggers, needs, boundaries, open doors, unstable floors, be still in being with others as they are at the time and place they are at on their own journeys side by side or separate, from my own ground.

The larger landscape, can I change that?  In what way?  I can plant trees, grow flowers, steward, keep and hold space on this Mother Planet for elements to live whole and flourish, provide for hummingbirds, butterflies, dragonflies, share vases in giving, lay down in the flowers and be, plant healer . . . . literally bless and pray healing for plants, animals, planetary beings in other forms than human . . .these I can do, not with an end or expectation of change as motivation, but because I am drawn to do so, I love to do so, I’m moved to do so . . . explore the spaciousness of dreaming, digging into darkness and coming back out with stardust to sprinkle, sort through my own laundry and walk with love and compassion for all, in trust and guidance, with gratitude.

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